3.6 Editing Practice.

This seems like it could be a fun exercise!

To demonstrate the importance of clarity, focus and the role of editing as part of writing, edit the following passage down to no more than two lines.

The heavy black and blue winter sky groaned awfully with rain clouds that at any moment were really about to fall crashing heavily down upon the street where, because it was rush hour, so many people, wearing all manner of different clothes, hats, shoes, boots, some of them carrying bags, suitcases, briefcases, scampered and strolled about the place as though oblivious to what was just about to happen over their very heads. One of these people was called Hilary and concealed inside her voluminous coat she carried the loaded, snub-nosed gun, and she also seemed to be the only one looking upwards into the tempestuous thundery heavens.

~

Ok...  Lets get editing! Starting with just cutting the unnecessary.

The heavy black and blue winter sky groaned awfully with rain clouds that at any moment were really about to fall crashing heavily down upon the street where, because it was rush hour, so many people, wearing all manner of different clothes, hats, shoes, boots, some of them carrying bags, suitcases, briefcases, scampered and strolled about the place as though oblivious to what was just about to happen over their very heads. One of these people was called Hilary and concealed inside her voluminous coat she carried the loaded, snub-nosed gun, and she also seemed to be the only one looking upwards into the tempestuous thundery heavens.

Hmmm I think that's a fair first pass. Some changes of words then, some tidying and we will get my version.**

The winter sky groaned with rain ready to crash down on the oblivious rush hour crowds below. Hilary scowled at the clouds and pulled her heavy coat closer, using the movement to check again the concealed bulge of her loaded weapon.

There we go. I think that has the right combination of still being descriptive, without being over the top. 

So what does the course suggest?

The winter sky was heavy with rain. It was rush hour. Hilary concealed the loaded gun inside her coat.

Wow - they really stripped that to the bone. Excessively so in my opinion. We're not reading a board report to the Exec. This is fiction! 

That said - a useful exercise to show just how far something can be stripped and yet maintain its meaning. Perhaps there's something to be said for going this far and then building it back up again slowly. Something to consider.

Happy Writing :-)

** An interesting comment from Frances Kenny suggests I should have stopped before this stage. Editing (as an Editor) is the stripping out of the waste, not adding to/re-writing. Whereas self editing you'd also incorporate rewrites. A blurry line!